Day 3/ 30 of Intentional Acts. FIVE STEPS TO CONNECTION WITH KEN.

My husband and I had an amazing time last Saturday. We threw a party with white twinkle lights and live music that twirled to the sky with a spicy twist of close friends and new friends. It was a celebration of my gratitude that he is in my life.

Ken is not really a party-guy, preferring the intimacy of small gatherings but he appreciated it. We lounged around the next day in a delicious post-fun haze. Feeling closer.

Then the crazy eights happened.

You’ll recognize the crazy eights. You get really close with your partner or your friend and then suddenly you are as alienated as you were close because of small insignificant issues. By Thursday we weren’t speaking much to each other. I interfered when he spoke to the twins and felt irritated with the clash and clang of his lunchtime routine. It subsided when we were apart but flared up as soon as our presence rubbed together.

After 11 years of marriage, I know the routine. I needed to do SOMETHING since we weren’t connecting naturally. I get nervous when it’s been more than two days.

In honor of my 30 Days of Intention, I focused on connecting with my husband. Here’s what I did.

1. I put my intention OUT THERE:
   My exact words were, “I know we haven’t been getting along this week so my intention is to connect with you. Would you hang out with me for a few hours today?” It’s different for every couple, but I stand by just putting it out there. He looked at me with the she’s-so –crazy look but didn’t object.
2. I prioritized Ken and Liz time.
   Of course your priorities can fit sloppily in the end of the day after you have done everything else you find important but I tend to think the really important stuff finds its way into the most productive slots in your day. Ken knew I had other “important” things to do and by placing him in front of those important tasks, I sent him a message. YOU ARE IMPORTANT.
3. I planned something.
   My plan was to get a massage, grill something delicious and jump in our hot tub. We would finish with a few other activities that I won’t be putting into this blog because I value my relationship with my parents.
4. I reminded him.
   About twenty minutes to noon, I sent him a text, “Don’t be late…we have a date!” He walked into the house a few minutes later, obviously already on his way. His blue eyes crinkled with pleasure that I was thinking about him.
5. I took a vacation to Ken and Liz island. For two hours, from 12:00 to 2:00pm, I was with my husband. I didn’t check my phone. I didn’t check my e-mail. I stayed in the moment. We enjoyed the massage and grocery shopped with our mussed up hair and greasy faces. We grilled New York Strips and sat in the hot tub in the middle of the day enjoying the tantalizing sense of playing hooky. Laughing and talking, very connected at the end of our Intention Date.

What can I say? Intention is an amazing tool. I’m not saying it will work every time. I don’t know if it will. But I’m willing to try.
Would you like to take a 30 day challenge? Just take the assessment!